Countless couples have debated whether or not staying with each other before marriage is a good idea throughout the last few years. Individuals didn’t have to think about this in previous generations since it was so rare. Nowadays, though, it is becoming increasingly widespread and tolerated. However, there are other factors to take into account before moving in together.
To begin, you must both analyze your goals being on the same path. In other words, are you living together in the same house to see if you’re compatible? Are you cohabiting because one or both of you want to avoid (or postpone) marriage? If that’s the case, why are you doing it?
You should preferably have a lengthy and honest discussion on why one or both of you wish to live together but not be wedded. Maybe one of you thinks the other wants to marry, but they don’t. Or one has a deadline to meet to marry, while the other does not. Alternatively, one may believe that this is just a committed relationship and hasn’t given marriage any consideration.
This dialogue is critical to avoid not having aligned intentions which will lead to complications in the future. Nevertheless, for the interests of this piece, pretend that you both understand that the ultimate aim is a marriage that is filled with happiness and love.
Is it better to live together before getting married or vice versa? Let’s look at the benefits and drawbacks of living together before marriage.
1. Sharing Finances
Among the most common motivations for staying with each other before marriage could be this. Consider this: most committed partners are already basically living together. People keep their clothes and other personal items at one person’s house, and they may spend more time there than they do on their own. Thus, in that situation, it would be logical to quit paying two leases, to say the least.
While there is undoubtedly a benefit of living together, you must exercise financial caution. It’s all too easy to squander the extra cash you’ve saved and have no idea where it went. Saving the money from the other home and investing it in your future together would be a better plan.
2. It’s Less Stressful When You Finally Get Married
It’s difficult to live with others. Whether it’s your relatives or friends, anyone has the power to irritate you when you reside in the same environment 24 hours a day, seven days a week. It’s an unavoidable truth of life.
When courting or in a committed love relationship, though, you have a lot less chance to get to know someone’s behaviors. You don’t notice—or fail to recognize your partner’s unpleasant habits while you’re first dating. You might even find it endearing. However, as time passes, what you thought was fine starts to grate on your sensibilities.
Consider what would happen if you’d never lived with each other before getting married and then had a mental breakdown when you moved in together. “This individual drives me nuts as they never do the dishes!” you might think. You will go into marriage with your eyes wide open if you live together before getting married, and there will be fewer shocks.
3. You Become Closer and Your Bond Becomes Stronger
Regardless of the type of relationship, closeness is extremely crucial. However, intimacy doesn’t only imply physical/sexual or emotional closeness when we mention “intimacy.” Several types of intimacy are equally significant, including intellectual, spiritual, experiential, and volitional closeness.
1. Others may not agree with you
Everyone has a point of view. And, if you ask for it or not, most people enjoy telling you what it is. Having said that, doing it without the support of your relatives might be quite tough. Religion frequently stands in the way of your relatives. Numerous people look down on couples who live together before getting married.
Now, maybe one or both of you came from a family that regularly attended church and adhered to the church’s doctrines. If you choose to deviate from the spiritual path, your family may become enraged.
It’s problematic if both people’s families and friends oppose them moving in. So if one of you has a family that isn’t supportive, while the other family supports, it might still be an issue. The spouse whose relatives are cool with it may be perplexed about why the other person’s family is against the partners staying together.
This can lead to persons losing connections with family and/or friends in extreme cases. As a result, it’s something to think about before you choose to move in together.
3. Your Relationship Might Be Weakening Due to a Lack of Support
If you’re tying the knot or not, living with your partner is an important commitment. Even living with someone who isn’t yourself isn’t always easy. Certainly, having a housemate can help you feel less alone, however, it can also present several obstacles.
Therefore, if you don’t have the backing of your society, it will almost certainly hurt your relationship and most times not in a good way. There could be a huge amount of stress and anger between the two of you. External causes can lead you to disagree, whether it is verbal or unsaid, and it may or may not have much to do with the two of you personally.
3. You will save money, however, your bond may be weakened
You have complete financial control when you are single or just live independently. Nobody has the authority to tell you what you can and cannot spend your money on. However, this can alter when you move in with your partner.
You’ll still have separate bank accounts, however, your costs will be shared. Choices regarding how the rent/mortgage will be paid, as well as who will pay for food and amenities being used, will need to be made, and you may have quite different views on ways to do that.
Then there’s the issue of external and/or personal spending. In relationships, one person is likely going to be the spender, while the other is conservative with finances. Hence, if the conservative believes the spender is being careless with their income, it tends to lead to irritation.
With all said and done, the decision to stay together before marriage boils down to the individuals involved in the relationship. As you can see, there is no clear right or wrong answer—a decision as individual as the relationship.
Hence, regardless of the decision you take, make sure you and your spouse have critical discussions about it and are both aware of the benefits and drawbacks. Then just do your best and trust that everything will work out.